(…I talk about football a lot if that was not apparent.) :p
Every day I receive thousands of emails and inquires (despite this being my first ever post, strange coincidence) that tend to go a little something like this:
Oh Wise and Powerful Chuckman, who art so magnificent and omniscient, who will replace Marshawn Lynch as the Seahawks “bellcow” running back, and/or whom should I draft for my fantasy team? Help me glorious Pigskin Pundit, you’re my only hope.
My dear loyal minions,
A fine question, full of mystery, intrigue, and gratuitous flattery. Notably the one running back you do not need to draft or concern yourself with is Christine Michael. Seattle clearly is trying to set a record for how many times a player can be cut and/or traded before they realize they simply are not wanted. Women used to do this to me in high school, judging from how long it took me to catch on Michael should be bouncing on and off their roster for the next 40 years or so. :p
That leaves a scant 5 running backs (RBs) to try to fill the shoes of one Marshawn Lynch. In a sign of true innovation Seattle will create the first TRUE running back by committee (RBBC) when they literally duct tape together Prosise, Brooks, Collins, Madden, and Rawls and run them out as one person. This conglomeration will be affectionately referred to as “The Lynch Mob,” and is the only way to recreate Marshawn’s speed, power, and Skittle capacity.
So on that fateful day of your fantasy draft step up to the proverbial podium with confidence and select “The Lynch Mob.” 5 players for one draft pick should be a great value.
Sincerely, (well, actually sarcastically)
P.S. A very special thanks to my own fantasy football team, The Sacrilicious Waffles, without whom none of this would have been possible and I might do something desperate like talk to a girl or interact with people in real life. :p
I am an author, filmmaker, and imagineer.
I’m not very good at remembering passwords to various Verity program logins. On the off chance that I do remember it’s nothing short of an “alphanumerical.”
There are three things in life I believe in; something, something else, and the Oxford comma.
I’m so afraid of commitment I won’t even talk to a girl if she’s NAMED “Mary.”
I’m a big fan of self-deprecating humor, but I’m not very good at it.
Napping is my second favorite holiday activity; next to sleeping, of course.
I believe there are two kinds of people in this world and there’s absolutely no difference between either of them.
I once asked Snoop Dogg “what rhymes with orange?” He contemplated for a moment, looked at me seriously, and replied. “Everythizzle.”
I believe a small bunch of parsley should be called ‘a parcel.’
I really haven’t matured a day since shortly after I was twelve, so I identify as an “umpteenager.”
I wonder if a relationship between a con-artist and a stonemason could ever really work, or would he eventually take her for granite?
If I ever have a full-scale catering business that expanded from a confectionery it will be named “Revenge.” It’s motto will be: “Revenge: It’s not ‘just desserts’ anymore.”
I’m considering starting a trendy core strengthening fitness center AND coffee house combination so people can get their coffee on while taking the weight off. Naturally, it will be named “Pilattes.” …actually, it will be one of those hybrid businesses that converts to a bar at night. In the evenings the regulars will call it “Lincoln’s” for short, but its official name is “Sore Core and Seven Beers Ago.”
I’m just doing what I’m told until I’m told to do otherwise.
This won’t be the first time I’ve been told my loquaciousness is nothing to “verboast” about.