This month’s mailbag request:

 

Dear Pigskin Blognosticator,

 

With the recent rash of injuries to fantasy stalwarts, sneaky-sleepers, and obscure hopefuls alike, could you please shed some small ray of hope and enlightenment, even a single beam of your blinding magnificent radiance upon the barren wasteland that is the Injured Reserve handcuff dart in the dark situation? – Your obedient servant, Steven Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, FRSA.

 

Dear Steven,

 

The Chuckman, DFFS (Doctor of Fantasy Football Science) is more than happy to enrich your mind with my stupendous knowledge of such matters.

 

Teddy Bridge over troubled Waters – Unless you owned “The Bear”  this injury is kind of a non-factor.  Shaun Hill is the backup and every bit as capable and celebrated in not-completing passes to his intended receivers as Bridgewaters of Madison County.  If your fantasy draft was built around anyone who should have been receiving the ball (through the air) from H2O your season was lost before this injury already anyways.

 

Tony wherever I may Romo – Now this is a situation worthy of noting.  Not because it means you shouldn’t draft any of his skill positions around him, but rather because they can be had at a fraction of their original cost and have an even BETTER QB in Dak (You’ll be im)Preskott!  Dak has a little something I like to tall ITNESS!!!  What IS itness you ask?  Well, it’s hard to define, but if you looked up itness in the dictionary it would have a picture of Dak:

v.:  1. The state or quality of being THIS GUY!!!

http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/dak-prescott.jpg

Bruce Swellington – The poor kid can’t stay healthy.  Already shelved for the year due to a hammy, the one time breakout candidate now leaves a huge gap in a starting lineup that should be a statistical goldmine in the Chip Kelly up-temp offense with a QB who can’t throw further than the slot received.  So who is the big winner and player to nab to benefit your football team in the wake of this young man’s misfortune?!  …whatever defense is playing against them any given week is the sad answer.  :p

 

Until next month, may luck be with you (and not the training staff.)

 

~The Pigskin Blognosticator

I am an author, filmmaker, and imagineer.

I’m not very good at remembering passwords to various Verity program logins. On the off chance that I do remember it’s nothing short of an “alphanumerical.”

There are three things in life I believe in; something, something else, and the Oxford comma.

I’m so afraid of commitment I won’t even talk to a girl if she’s NAMED “Mary.”

I’m a big fan of self-deprecating humor, but I’m not very good at it.

Napping is my second favorite holiday activity; next to sleeping, of course.

I believe there are two kinds of people in this world and there’s absolutely no difference between either of them.

I once asked Snoop Dogg “what rhymes with orange?” He contemplated for a moment, looked at me seriously, and replied. “Everythizzle.”

I believe a small bunch of parsley should be called ‘a parcel.’

I really haven’t matured a day since shortly after I was twelve, so I identify as an “umpteenager.”

I wonder if a relationship between a con-artist and a stonemason could ever really work, or would he eventually take her for granite?

If I ever have a full-scale catering business that expanded from a confectionery it will be named “Revenge.” It’s motto will be: “Revenge: It’s not ‘just desserts’ anymore.”

I’m considering starting a trendy core strengthening fitness center AND coffee house combination so people can get their coffee on while taking the weight off. Naturally, it will be named “Pilattes.” …actually, it will be one of those hybrid businesses that converts to a bar at night. In the evenings the regulars will call it “Lincoln’s” for short, but its official name is “Sore Core and Seven Beers Ago.”

I’m just doing what I’m told until I’m told to do otherwise.

This won’t be the first time I’ve been told my loquaciousness is nothing to “verboast” about.

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