I currently feel like I’m in a perpetual state of waiting. I’m waiting for some big life events to happen, but they seem to have stalled. It’s like waiting in line for the best amusement ride ever (imagine your favorite, mine is anything at Harry Potter World), but then the ride breaks down. They promise a speedy fix, but you get this sneaking suspicion that the mechanics have gone on break, or strike, or the entire union has retired.

Normally anticipation, that feeling of what’s to come, I welcome. It gives me time to breathe and assess my current situation. But right now I’ve got ants in my pants. Giant flittering specifically designed to annoy ants.

Why all this turmoil you may ask? I recently submitted applications to graduate schools. I want an immediate reply. Yes or No. I just want to know. Unfortunately, it’s going to be at least a month and half until I begin to hear back from schools. What do I do until then? I’ve decided on a slow panic with bursts of panic and a pinch of a little more panic.

I’d like to think myself cool and collected. I have proven myself wrong. My smart phone is the worst enabler for my anxiety. First of all I have the same sound (a Super Mario lilt) for both my text messages and my emails. Whenever it goes off I think it may be a school contacting me. Maybe they want more information about me? Maybe they are rejecting me flat out? Maybe it’s my Mom asking how my day went? Second, unknown phone numbers are being answered for the first time in my life. Normally when I don’t recognize a number it’s ignored. Typically this has been a great strategy for avoiding telemarketers and social engagements in which I have no interest. But now when the unknown flashes I pick up. It could be my future calling! Spoiler: It’s not.

So I keep waiting…anticipating. Is it mid-March yet?

I don’t want anyone to be overly concerned. I’m an adult and know how to handle stress:

  • Netflix Documentaries. They sidetrack me with inane facts and stories (Recommendation: Jiro Dreams of Sushi)
  • Kindle Library Loans. Easy reads mean easy mind distraction. (Recommendation: The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb)
  • Food. This requires no explanation. (Recommendation: Emotional Chocolate Eating)
Paige Stewart

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