This week there is no question from the public, only an answer from The Wise and Powerful Chuckman as to whom the most valuable sleepers and shrewd fantasy reaches are for this year’s draft.

  1. Ezekiel Elliott, RB Dallas. (Hint, Darren McFadden injured himself trying to pick up this blog post like it was a newspaper article.) :p
    1. What’s that? Oh, you’d like something more surprising and sleepery, not the fantasy equivalent of the Red Bull energy drink mascot of fantasy football knowledge? Fine
  2. Josh Ferguson, RB Indianapolis – Despite not being drafted (sleepy enough for you?) the man is behind only Frank Gore on the depth chart of a high-scoring offense. Therefore when Father Time, notably undefeated, finally beats him with the reality stick, SOMEONE is going to have to handle the load for the pass-happy Colts and the 5’10” 200lb dynamo will be it. Frank Gore rates a 4 out of 5 zombies on the “is that guy still alive” scale.
  3. Cameron Brate, TE Tampa Bay – WHO you say? The presumptive backup TE in Tampa Bay matriculated at Harvard (“my boy gots wicked sma’ts” – Casey Afflec, Good Will Hunting) and is the ying to emotional neophyte Austin Seferian-Jenkins’ yang. Austin is from Gig Harbor, and thus ends the list of his redeeming qualities. Your return on investment for a last round pick will bear fruit my friend.
  4. Jeff Janis, WR Green Bay – With a healthy Nelson back and a crowded depth chart it’s easy to say why would I want the fourth or fifth receiver on any team on my roster. Well, because he’s the tallest and fastest of all of them and Aaron Rogers right arm was probably what was REALLY in that briefcase in Pulp Fiction. 😛 If cream rises to the top than grab yourself a cherry and a spoon because you’re about to enjoy ‘Sundays’ like never before.
  5. Steve Smith Sr., WR Baltimore – Again, only in value per pick. Putting the senior (citizen) in Sr., Steve Smith had vowed to retire last year before getting injured and deciding that’s not the way he wanted to go out. Baltimore’s WR corps is theoretically crowded, but Perriman has already suffered his annual season ending injury (which now they’re saying is only a couple weeks, but we’ve all heard that before) and Mike Wallace has proven he can’t catch a deep ball from anyone but Ben Roethlisberger duct taping it to his body. Jr. notably rates a 6 out of 5 zombies on the “is that guy still alive” scale.
  6. Eric Rogers, WR San Fran – Rogers was exiled to Canada, oh Canada, where he thrived in a pass-happy system (see also: league) and now is getting a chance to redeem himself on American soil playing for a ‘Chip off the old Kelly.’ On a team that throws the ball every down AND will be playing from behind the entire season, welcome to the fascinating world of fantasy statistics my friends.

I could go on and on…and I will, next time.

Sincerely,

The Pigskin Blognosticator

 

I am an author, filmmaker, and imagineer.

I’m not very good at remembering passwords to various Verity program logins. On the off chance that I do remember it’s nothing short of an “alphanumerical.”

There are three things in life I believe in; something, something else, and the Oxford comma.

I’m so afraid of commitment I won’t even talk to a girl if she’s NAMED “Mary.”

I’m a big fan of self-deprecating humor, but I’m not very good at it.

Napping is my second favorite holiday activity; next to sleeping, of course.

I believe there are two kinds of people in this world and there’s absolutely no difference between either of them.

I once asked Snoop Dogg “what rhymes with orange?” He contemplated for a moment, looked at me seriously, and replied. “Everythizzle.”

I believe a small bunch of parsley should be called ‘a parcel.’

I really haven’t matured a day since shortly after I was twelve, so I identify as an “umpteenager.”

I wonder if a relationship between a con-artist and a stonemason could ever really work, or would he eventually take her for granite?

If I ever have a full-scale catering business that expanded from a confectionery it will be named “Revenge.” It’s motto will be: “Revenge: It’s not ‘just desserts’ anymore.”

I’m considering starting a trendy core strengthening fitness center AND coffee house combination so people can get their coffee on while taking the weight off. Naturally, it will be named “Pilattes.” …actually, it will be one of those hybrid businesses that converts to a bar at night. In the evenings the regulars will call it “Lincoln’s” for short, but its official name is “Sore Core and Seven Beers Ago.”

I’m just doing what I’m told until I’m told to do otherwise.

This won’t be the first time I’ve been told my loquaciousness is nothing to “verboast” about.

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