2016 Fantasy Football Sleepers, Nappers, Comatose, and the Undead (part 2)

Continuing last week’s wildly popular (which is to say I liked it) sleepers et al, this week we have the long since forgotten and what have you done for me lately, and/or ever edition. (All of the below score 3 or less zombies on the “are they still alive” scale.)

  1. Terrelle Pryor, WR Cleveland – Granted his only ‘Pryor’ history of production was in college as a not-WR, so why would I toss a dart in the dark at this young man?! Well, he’s still a young man for one, and certainly a young receiver, and at 6’4” 223lbs with wheels to spare he LOOKS the part of a dominating NFL receiver. (Granted it also helps that he’s wearing an NFL uniform.) :p Cleveland has roughly the same grasp on the depth chart that they do on their local economy, so there is opportunity there (on the field, not their economy.)
  2. Bruce Ellington, WR San Fran – This is part of my ongoing theory that everyone should pick up ALL of the WRs on San Fran. SOMEONE is going to benefit from the up tempo offense and all the de facto extra targets/statistics it generates , plus San Fran will be playing from behind vs prevent defenses from about the second drive each game. Lots of “we’ll let them have that” receptions. “Cha-ching!” What have you done for me lately? Nothing, ever.
  3. DeAndre Smelter – see above about all of SF. Plus, this kid is 6’2”/226, they drafted him in the 4th round last year despite realizing with his injury he wouldn’t play until at best this year. They have plans and WANT him to win this job.
  4. Devon Cajuste, WR/TE San Fran – Okay granted, this article might as well have just been called I LOVE THE SAN FRANCISCO OFFENSE UNDER CHIP KELLY for fantasy purposes. (GO SEAHAWKS in all other contexts.) They drafted this kid as a WR; however, his true calling is as a TE. 6’4” and 234 pounds, he’s one famous San Fran Monte Cristo away from reaching 250 and having prototypical size for the NFL. He also has some skills that translate to the position that most NFL TEs do not have, first and foremost the ability to block, catch, and run.
  5. Sammie “Second” Coates, WR Pittsburg – Coats has a style and joie de vivre that can only be described as ‘vintage.’ 😛 Samuel (as his folks doubtlessly called him when he was in trouble growing up) was drafted curiously high in the draft given that Pittsburgh appeared deep at that position already. That is it was curious until it was disclosed that Martavius Bryant had been playing the position high since he arrived in Pittsburgh. Currently in rehab Bryant has opened the door for his more sober clone to take the league by storm.

I could go on and on…and I will, next time.

Sincerely,

The Pigskin Blognosticator

 

 

I am an author, filmmaker, and imagineer.

I’m not very good at remembering passwords to various Verity program logins. On the off chance that I do remember it’s nothing short of an “alphanumerical.”

There are three things in life I believe in; something, something else, and the Oxford comma.

I’m so afraid of commitment I won’t even talk to a girl if she’s NAMED “Mary.”

I’m a big fan of self-deprecating humor, but I’m not very good at it.

Napping is my second favorite holiday activity; next to sleeping, of course.

I believe there are two kinds of people in this world and there’s absolutely no difference between either of them.

I once asked Snoop Dogg “what rhymes with orange?” He contemplated for a moment, looked at me seriously, and replied. “Everythizzle.”

I believe a small bunch of parsley should be called ‘a parcel.’

I really haven’t matured a day since shortly after I was twelve, so I identify as an “umpteenager.”

I wonder if a relationship between a con-artist and a stonemason could ever really work, or would he eventually take her for granite?

If I ever have a full-scale catering business that expanded from a confectionery it will be named “Revenge.” It’s motto will be: “Revenge: It’s not ‘just desserts’ anymore.”

I’m considering starting a trendy core strengthening fitness center AND coffee house combination so people can get their coffee on while taking the weight off. Naturally, it will be named “Pilattes.” …actually, it will be one of those hybrid businesses that converts to a bar at night. In the evenings the regulars will call it “Lincoln’s” for short, but its official name is “Sore Core and Seven Beers Ago.”

I’m just doing what I’m told until I’m told to do otherwise.

This won’t be the first time I’ve been told my loquaciousness is nothing to “verboast” about.

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